Hi, this is Michael, Leni's 4th son. Yesterday a group of Leni's friends met after a lunch meeting to plant a tree in her honor. For me it was a very moving and significant moment for more than one reason. I know there are many facets to mom, and in meeting each new person with whom she had a relationship I get to see a new part of that facet; what an honor for me. This group of women, meant the world to her, and it is apparent that they to her. I am so thankful for them.
The tree is a lavendar crepe myrtle and is planted in front of McKinley Park Library. It is the second tree to the right of the front door as you face the Library. Please visit this living symbol to Leni. I know I will take my boys there regularly.
I hope to post photos of the event shortly.
mike
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Snowflakes
Hi - it's Patrick, Leni's third son.
This evening I was drawn back to my mother's blog. I read most of the comments to our postings as my Mom's condition worsened, as we brought her back home and as she passed from this world into the next. I am still moved by the experience and by all your comments to us. I am in awe of all the support we received from her friends in Sacramento.
I think often of the intensity of the experience the day my mother passed. I also think of the peaceful state in which she remained over those closing days. It provides a certain comfort, as my brothers and I have returned to our homes and jobs. We are different, but the world around us is pretty much the same. I find myself to be very introspective, carving out part of my daily routine in order to grieve, for it is a process. She taught us that well - she learned it during her days as chaplain at San Diego Hospice. I also find myself cherishing the moments and the memories - for I never want them to disappear. I fear that over time these will fade, and that saddens me.
I'm aware that the process is a long one, and no one can determine its pace, its end or what will transpire during our collective grieving.
But, through all of this, when I seek respite from my day or when I look at the small mementos of her life that I brought home with me, I hear her voice telling us those things she always used to say: "Each of you are special and unique..."; "Have a great day..."; "Be open to whatever this day brings...". If I listen closely enough, I can sometimes hear a simple "Oh, hooray!" in classic Leni fashion.
The other day I stood outside, in the middle of heavy snowstorm (March in Montreal...don't ask) trying to hear her voice speak to me. The wind softened and then stopped. The snow flakes increased in size - a half an inch in diameter - and they fell straight down out of the sky. I looked up, asking to hear her voice, but she did not answer. Instead, in the stillness, I was able to see up, thousands of feet up, through millions of falling snowflakes. I saw sunlight through grey clouds and felt her spirit with me as snow melted on my face and eyelids. Her spirit smiled upon me, and I was not sad for her, or for me.
This evening I was drawn back to my mother's blog. I read most of the comments to our postings as my Mom's condition worsened, as we brought her back home and as she passed from this world into the next. I am still moved by the experience and by all your comments to us. I am in awe of all the support we received from her friends in Sacramento.
I think often of the intensity of the experience the day my mother passed. I also think of the peaceful state in which she remained over those closing days. It provides a certain comfort, as my brothers and I have returned to our homes and jobs. We are different, but the world around us is pretty much the same. I find myself to be very introspective, carving out part of my daily routine in order to grieve, for it is a process. She taught us that well - she learned it during her days as chaplain at San Diego Hospice. I also find myself cherishing the moments and the memories - for I never want them to disappear. I fear that over time these will fade, and that saddens me.
I'm aware that the process is a long one, and no one can determine its pace, its end or what will transpire during our collective grieving.
But, through all of this, when I seek respite from my day or when I look at the small mementos of her life that I brought home with me, I hear her voice telling us those things she always used to say: "Each of you are special and unique..."; "Have a great day..."; "Be open to whatever this day brings...". If I listen closely enough, I can sometimes hear a simple "Oh, hooray!" in classic Leni fashion.
The other day I stood outside, in the middle of heavy snowstorm (March in Montreal...don't ask) trying to hear her voice speak to me. The wind softened and then stopped. The snow flakes increased in size - a half an inch in diameter - and they fell straight down out of the sky. I looked up, asking to hear her voice, but she did not answer. Instead, in the stillness, I was able to see up, thousands of feet up, through millions of falling snowflakes. I saw sunlight through grey clouds and felt her spirit with me as snow melted on my face and eyelids. Her spirit smiled upon me, and I was not sad for her, or for me.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Newport
Hi,
We are working to finalize details for the celebration of Leni's life in Newport. The service will be early in the afternoon Saturday, April 5 at St. Joseph's Church, located on Broadway. The phone number is 401-847-0065.
We'll post more details shortly.
We are working to finalize details for the celebration of Leni's life in Newport. The service will be early in the afternoon Saturday, April 5 at St. Joseph's Church, located on Broadway. The phone number is 401-847-0065.
We'll post more details shortly.
Friday, March 7, 2008
Celebrating Life
Please join us in a mass celebrating our Mother's life on Monday, March 10th at 10am, at St. Francis of Assisi Parish, 1066 26th St in Sacramento, CA. There will be a reception at the church hall immediately following.
We will also be celebrating her life at a service in several weeks in Newport, Rhode Island. We'll post more details soon.
We are asking, that instead of flowers, donations can be made to the Mercy General Hospital Foundation or San Diego Hospice.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Reflection on Wednesday March 5, 2008
Cherished Daughter, Sister, Mother, Grandmother, and friend to all -
Yesterday Wednesday March 5, 2008 was a sunny California day. You were at home in your self created sanctuary. The flowers in bloom, the grandchildren playing outside your window, fresh warm air filled your home. Your Mother, Brothers, Sister, Sons, Daughters-in-law and Grandchildren near you, and your network of friends, coworkers, extended family and companions were with you in spirit whether nearby or far away. We held you, we prayed with you, we cried and we laughed with you. You and Kevin shared a "hooray!"
It was our shared honor to be at your side as you completed your physical time with us on this earth. We know you will be with us in spirit from this day forward. You have blessed us with many gifts and taught us many lessons. We are truly grateful for every minute we shared together.
You have such a gift for being there to provide support and guidance to the people around you. You provided this support to us even throughout your dying process. You made the difficult decisions for us and in your unique way, you continued to be the caregiver to us throughout. You are truly amazing.
We felt it appropriate to share this poem from Henry Van Dyke:
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"
"Gone where?"
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"
And that is dying.
Yesterday Wednesday March 5, 2008 was a sunny California day. You were at home in your self created sanctuary. The flowers in bloom, the grandchildren playing outside your window, fresh warm air filled your home. Your Mother, Brothers, Sister, Sons, Daughters-in-law and Grandchildren near you, and your network of friends, coworkers, extended family and companions were with you in spirit whether nearby or far away. We held you, we prayed with you, we cried and we laughed with you. You and Kevin shared a "hooray!"
It was our shared honor to be at your side as you completed your physical time with us on this earth. We know you will be with us in spirit from this day forward. You have blessed us with many gifts and taught us many lessons. We are truly grateful for every minute we shared together.
You have such a gift for being there to provide support and guidance to the people around you. You provided this support to us even throughout your dying process. You made the difficult decisions for us and in your unique way, you continued to be the caregiver to us throughout. You are truly amazing.
We felt it appropriate to share this poem from Henry Van Dyke:
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!"
"Gone where?"
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and she is just as able to bear the load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says: "There, she is gone!" There are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout: "Here she comes!"
And that is dying.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Next...
Tonight, at just after 6:00 pm, Leni left us. She was surounded by her sons, daughters, mother, sister, brothers, and grandchildren. We imagine it is just how she would have wanted it. Her journey in this life now complete she starts her next journey. We will continue to hear her voice, be touched by her inspiritation, and recall her laughter. She has touched so many people in too many ways to count. In order for us all to know these stories, please respond with your own stories of Leni for us all.
We are planning a service in Sacramento for early the week of 10 March and will post details in the next day or so.
Additionally, we are planning a memorial service in Newport, RI within the next four to six weeks.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers which have been so appreciated and have helped carry her through this process.
We are planning a service in Sacramento for early the week of 10 March and will post details in the next day or so.
Additionally, we are planning a memorial service in Newport, RI within the next four to six weeks.
Thank you for your thoughts and prayers which have been so appreciated and have helped carry her through this process.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Quiet
A certain stillness has fallen over my mother's beautiful home tonight. The evening brought on much love, laughter, tears, sorrow and some healing. Now my brother Shannon and I maintain an evening vigil, Mom resting quietly, one foot in this world, one foot in the next.
The evening stillness is really quite amazing.
The evening stillness is really quite amazing.
Back Home
Its a warm beautiful day, and the sun is shining.
Leni returned to her beloved little California bungalow this afternoon around noon. The departure from the hospital was emotional - many of her former co-workers were the staff who attended to us over the past few days, and several came by today to share a few words of support and to share anecdotes of how she cared for them, nurtured them, supported them. We were honored to know that she touched so many people at Mercy General. And we were honored to know that as we were leaving, some of those co-workers were going to mass to pray for her.
As we wheeled Mom to the waiting ambulance, I leaned in close to her and said, "Mom, we're going home."
"Hurray...!" she replied with a feeble voice - she was so happy! Please realize that she is peaceful and content with her decsion to return home and enter hospice. We, too are ready to face what lies ahead for us. She told us yesterday that things are in God's hands - and we know things will be OK.
My brothers and I, our families and Mom's family have gathered at her house. It feels good to be together.
Leni returned to her beloved little California bungalow this afternoon around noon. The departure from the hospital was emotional - many of her former co-workers were the staff who attended to us over the past few days, and several came by today to share a few words of support and to share anecdotes of how she cared for them, nurtured them, supported them. We were honored to know that she touched so many people at Mercy General. And we were honored to know that as we were leaving, some of those co-workers were going to mass to pray for her.
As we wheeled Mom to the waiting ambulance, I leaned in close to her and said, "Mom, we're going home."
"Hurray...!" she replied with a feeble voice - she was so happy! Please realize that she is peaceful and content with her decsion to return home and enter hospice. We, too are ready to face what lies ahead for us. She told us yesterday that things are in God's hands - and we know things will be OK.
My brothers and I, our families and Mom's family have gathered at her house. It feels good to be together.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Changes
Family and friends,
The past two days have seen more challenges for Mom. Her energy level decreased further, and scans done in the hospital show growth in the tumor. The cancer continues to weaken her, and it has been difficult for her to find comfort.
Late this afternoon, after conferring with her doctor, my Mom asked to go home under hospice care. We are taking her home tomorrow. She found an enormous amount of peace in the decision, and we started a morphine drip to ease her discomfort.
Brian and Kevin have arrived - Shannon will get here tomorrow, too. Mom's family is arriving this evening or tomorrow morning. Grace, in her amazing foresight, had the house cleaned, and there is a peaceful air there, awaiting her return.
As the quiet of the evening has settled in, please know that my brothers and I are OK with the decision to enter hospice care. She, of all people, understands it too, and she is embracing the decision as it needs to be embraced. She is a remarkable woman, and we love her very much.
The past two days have seen more challenges for Mom. Her energy level decreased further, and scans done in the hospital show growth in the tumor. The cancer continues to weaken her, and it has been difficult for her to find comfort.
Late this afternoon, after conferring with her doctor, my Mom asked to go home under hospice care. We are taking her home tomorrow. She found an enormous amount of peace in the decision, and we started a morphine drip to ease her discomfort.
Brian and Kevin have arrived - Shannon will get here tomorrow, too. Mom's family is arriving this evening or tomorrow morning. Grace, in her amazing foresight, had the house cleaned, and there is a peaceful air there, awaiting her return.
As the quiet of the evening has settled in, please know that my brothers and I are OK with the decision to enter hospice care. She, of all people, understands it too, and she is embracing the decision as it needs to be embraced. She is a remarkable woman, and we love her very much.
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Challenges
Hi - Patrick here.
It is Saturday evening, and its been a long 48 hours. My mom took a turn for the worse over the past two days, exhibiting symptoms, that while consistent with her chemotherapy and the disease within her, were very challenging for us to provide appropriate care for her in her home. She had a difficult time communicating to us, and she had difficulty walking unassisted. Over the past several days, she has fallen a few times, causing us great concern. Her falls did not hurt her, but worry us.
This is all such new ground for us, and we have really relied on the goodness and knowledge of her friends to understand such things as symptomatic care vs. treatment of the disease; and in-home RN care vs. private home care.
After two sleepless evenings that were very challening for us and for Leni, I took her to the hospital early this morning. I owe a great deal to her friend Colleen, who so graciously took a very early morning phone call and helped me assess the situation - thank you very much Colleen, in providing clarity in an otherwise stressful moment.
Mom has been diagnosed with a bladder infection and dehyrdation, as well as edema (swelling) in her legs. She'll be in the hospital for a minimum of 48 hours. She is getting great care - she is at the hospital that she worked at until her retirement, and many people know her and love her there. She feels very safe at Mercy General, and being there made her relax like I have not seen her in 48 hours.
We'll set up her home with better equipment, we are in the process of getting extra help, and we look forward to brining her back home!
You know, with all of this, there was a bright spot in the day yesterday when she sat upright and said, "I want to go out in that," pointing to the newly arrived wheel chair. I pushed her down the street for a brief walk. Her comments: "Wow, I feel like I'm running away - this is great..."
Enjoying the simple things once again provides her with joy.
It is Saturday evening, and its been a long 48 hours. My mom took a turn for the worse over the past two days, exhibiting symptoms, that while consistent with her chemotherapy and the disease within her, were very challenging for us to provide appropriate care for her in her home. She had a difficult time communicating to us, and she had difficulty walking unassisted. Over the past several days, she has fallen a few times, causing us great concern. Her falls did not hurt her, but worry us.
This is all such new ground for us, and we have really relied on the goodness and knowledge of her friends to understand such things as symptomatic care vs. treatment of the disease; and in-home RN care vs. private home care.
After two sleepless evenings that were very challening for us and for Leni, I took her to the hospital early this morning. I owe a great deal to her friend Colleen, who so graciously took a very early morning phone call and helped me assess the situation - thank you very much Colleen, in providing clarity in an otherwise stressful moment.
Mom has been diagnosed with a bladder infection and dehyrdation, as well as edema (swelling) in her legs. She'll be in the hospital for a minimum of 48 hours. She is getting great care - she is at the hospital that she worked at until her retirement, and many people know her and love her there. She feels very safe at Mercy General, and being there made her relax like I have not seen her in 48 hours.
We'll set up her home with better equipment, we are in the process of getting extra help, and we look forward to brining her back home!
You know, with all of this, there was a bright spot in the day yesterday when she sat upright and said, "I want to go out in that," pointing to the newly arrived wheel chair. I pushed her down the street for a brief walk. Her comments: "Wow, I feel like I'm running away - this is great..."
Enjoying the simple things once again provides her with joy.
Thursday, February 28, 2008
A Comment from Leni & A Bon-Bon Conspiracy
Hi. My Mom is doing pretty good. Above all else, she stays grounded in the moment - living one day at a time. She and I spent time in her garden yesterday, and she struggled to think about what kind of message to post.
In the end, I told her to think simply.
She replied, "Thanks for the continued thoughts and prayers. Having family here is greatly appreciated. My body is still tired and weak. My attitude continues to be positive."
So, while many things are challenging for her, she has the most amazing outlook. With all that she has been through, rarely is she negative. She is working really hard to keep her fluid intake up and to eat. And the sense of humor remains. She actually tried to convince Grace, my wife, to get her into the car so that the two of them could go get bon-bons! We ran out of these bite-sized chocolate covered ice cream goodies the other day, and they are about the only kind of desert treat that she can eat right now.
The comments are great. Keep posting, and we'll keep reading them to her.
- Patrick
In the end, I told her to think simply.
She replied, "Thanks for the continued thoughts and prayers. Having family here is greatly appreciated. My body is still tired and weak. My attitude continues to be positive."
So, while many things are challenging for her, she has the most amazing outlook. With all that she has been through, rarely is she negative. She is working really hard to keep her fluid intake up and to eat. And the sense of humor remains. She actually tried to convince Grace, my wife, to get her into the car so that the two of them could go get bon-bons! We ran out of these bite-sized chocolate covered ice cream goodies the other day, and they are about the only kind of desert treat that she can eat right now.
The comments are great. Keep posting, and we'll keep reading them to her.
- Patrick
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
A Doctor's visit and the Power of Being Positive
Hi. Patrick again. Leni visited the doctor on Monday. He decided to postpone her next chemotherapy session until she is a bit stronger. She also needs to get her fluid intake up, as well as her white blood cell count. We've started medications to help in this area. We'll be back in his office for a follow up on March 10, and make decisions then on continued chemotherapy.
Once again, she loves hearing from you - either as comments here on the blog, or in cards and phone calls. We constantly read these to her, and it brings a smile to her face, and tears of happiness to her eyes. She feels very loved and very lucky to have such great friends and family. She and I are working on a more detailed post, which we'll try to get to you soon!
Thanks once again for thinking of us - please do not underestimate the power of positive thinking. Hearing from you today gave her great peace as she settled in for the evening.
Once again, she loves hearing from you - either as comments here on the blog, or in cards and phone calls. We constantly read these to her, and it brings a smile to her face, and tears of happiness to her eyes. She feels very loved and very lucky to have such great friends and family. She and I are working on a more detailed post, which we'll try to get to you soon!
Thanks once again for thinking of us - please do not underestimate the power of positive thinking. Hearing from you today gave her great peace as she settled in for the evening.
Friday, February 22, 2008
One week After Chemotherapy
Hi - this is Patrick, I'm Leni's third son. I live in Montreal. I arrived in Sacramento this week, to be with my four brothers and our significant others through the coming weekend, and to take care of my mom. We will be here to care for her and give her strength.
We have decided to continue using this blog to communicate for her. My mom wants everyone to know that she draws much comfort from the thoughts and prayers you are offering. She likes it very much when we read her the many cards that she receives.
Last night we spent a few moments in her garden, which gives her great joy. I watched her smile as several birds flew over the house. And this morning at daybreak, we sat quietly in front of an open door, watching the sun light the eastern sky. She really loved this. She commented how often people do not appreciate such simple moments.
This morning I asked her what I should write for her - what did she want to communicate. She wants everyone to know that she is in a difficult part of the illness. She wants you to know that her sons will be her communicators over the coming weeks, as she is really trying to conserve her energy. She spends much of her time sleeping or lying comfortably in bed. She also wants everyone to know that she is looking forward to her doctor's appointment this Monday. She is curious to get an updated prognosis and most of us will go with her to the doctor's office.
Mom started intravenous chemotherapy on Wed Feb 13. She had four sessions, from Wed to Sat. She suffered from side effects which were difficult for her, but she is steadily regaining her strength, eating more and remaining awake for longer periods of time each day.
Last weekend, she asked Colleen and Mandy to cut her hair. She sat out in her garden, while the girls did a great job cutting. She looks great, and she really likes the result.
For those of you who have called, sent emails, cards or gifts, we can't tell you how much we appreciate your concern and your thoughts. It means a lot to her, and it means a lot to us to know that so many people are thinking of her.
Many people ask how they can help. What can you do? You can continue to reach out to my brothers and I via email or phone calls. You can send her a card. She very much likes to hear that people are thinking of her. It provides her great strength. You can take pause in your day, spend a moment and breathe the early morning air or watch the sun rise and set and think of her. She would gather great comfort knowing that you are doing this for her.
We have decided to continue using this blog to communicate for her. My mom wants everyone to know that she draws much comfort from the thoughts and prayers you are offering. She likes it very much when we read her the many cards that she receives.
Last night we spent a few moments in her garden, which gives her great joy. I watched her smile as several birds flew over the house. And this morning at daybreak, we sat quietly in front of an open door, watching the sun light the eastern sky. She really loved this. She commented how often people do not appreciate such simple moments.
This morning I asked her what I should write for her - what did she want to communicate. She wants everyone to know that she is in a difficult part of the illness. She wants you to know that her sons will be her communicators over the coming weeks, as she is really trying to conserve her energy. She spends much of her time sleeping or lying comfortably in bed. She also wants everyone to know that she is looking forward to her doctor's appointment this Monday. She is curious to get an updated prognosis and most of us will go with her to the doctor's office.
Mom started intravenous chemotherapy on Wed Feb 13. She had four sessions, from Wed to Sat. She suffered from side effects which were difficult for her, but she is steadily regaining her strength, eating more and remaining awake for longer periods of time each day.
Last weekend, she asked Colleen and Mandy to cut her hair. She sat out in her garden, while the girls did a great job cutting. She looks great, and she really likes the result.
For those of you who have called, sent emails, cards or gifts, we can't tell you how much we appreciate your concern and your thoughts. It means a lot to her, and it means a lot to us to know that so many people are thinking of her.
Many people ask how they can help. What can you do? You can continue to reach out to my brothers and I via email or phone calls. You can send her a card. She very much likes to hear that people are thinking of her. It provides her great strength. You can take pause in your day, spend a moment and breathe the early morning air or watch the sun rise and set and think of her. She would gather great comfort knowing that you are doing this for her.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Diagnosis II – (Kevin and Michael on behalf of mom)
Today, we took mom in for an oncology appointment with Dr. Quadro. He confirmed Stage 4 melanoma on mom’s liver. The liver is likely the secondary site, with her eye likely being the primary site. The cancer, and the fact that it is on her liver, remove surgery as an option. This is an aggressive and explosive growing cancer. As such the doctor is prescribing an aggressive treatment regiment of intravenous chemotherapy on an outpatient basis. Mom will begin treatment on Wednesday February 13. Her treatment will be 4 chemotherapy days every three weeks. The first set of treatments will likely last 2 – 4 months. The doctor confirms, this treatment is not a cure, but will buy mom time.
Right now mom is expecting to fight this and has hope. She will need all your support over time to beat this. What can you do?
Right now mom is expecting to fight this and has hope. She will need all your support over time to beat this. What can you do?
- Mom would like as much support from all her friends and family;
She needs your prayers, well wishes and thoughts. She is already fatigued and her chemo. is likely to only increase it. She will not be answering the phone or door much, but will rely on your continued prayer. Please continue to keep her in your thoughts, and post messages of support to this page. - She will need direct care for spirit, program, food/necessity, transportation and medical treatment. As a family, we will likely ask as many of you as possible for support in all of these categories. We will ask you through this page, email or otherwise for help.
- To read up on cancer, please see this Dr. Quadro recommended site http://www.cancerbackup.org.uk/Aboutcancer.
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